STUPID AND SELF CONFIDENCE

I dont know what happened lately to me? bored?no confidence? lazy?

I actually feel having a problem with him, seems its so hard to talk to him, too difficult to understand him..but I also avoid to discuss and start the arguments since I lost all emotions and desire..

the only way which calm me is listening to my fav one, COLDPLAY...

I like all lyrics which Chris Martin made...

I feel I am being stuck in one corner and let myself surrender to my enemy...

you know what? I am really affraid that someone can read my blog...FINISH my battles...

where else?can hide? I need a space...just for my own ...just for thinking of my life...just keep day dreaming ...just ...just...

I feel I am so stupid, no carreer, am the most stupid person in the world...I have to admit that I am jealous to see someone when they do something and make other ..said WOW....

I have a lot of friends who has, LV,GUCCI whatever that name...but I dont feel something special with them..you got money you can get them.

I want to be smarter with my computer, smarter with my english...

I want to tell all ..all things which happened to my in last one month, deket ma martin, gue tahu dia udah punya cewek, ceweknya pinter, good job,manis ..(jealous abis) but doesnt mean in a real jealous..I wish I could be like her...( wow...you dont think that I am so special, I have 2 kids, lovely, cantik)

and martin sendiri juga gak cakep, malah kayak celengan ayam..menurut mata normal gue sih...

dan gue sendiri juga sih gak tertarik ma dia...

Gue berpikir, apa sich yang gue cari ...yang membuat gue bingung sama diri sendiri...

I love my kids more than everything..really..I swear for it, kalo bicara willie, gue juga agak bingung, gue susah banget kalo ngobrol ma dia, banyakan gak nyambungnya...he is so easy to get the tempered, high voice, and sometimes, I need to repeat them for 2 or 3 times..but if its happened to me, forget it, he will get angry, and again ...I need to calm him and forget my ego, so back to the normal speech.

I just realized that we have a lot of different commons, I like him, I love him really! but sometimes I think I pushed my self over limit, where I cant stand it anymore..WHY????

I lost all sparks between him and me...he is just like my boss, I cant talk to him...but one thing I have to admit that he is a good father, my kids love him very much. And I will stay where I stay now..god bless him..

I am going back to CCF next week and start with new english course again...I am happy..

am listening to one of my fav song "what if", this is a very nice lyrics....

and now "CLOCK" remind me of botak, he is nice, handsome..I like him a lot, but its so impossible that I can reach him...

What I need is get my self confidence back...