Why I am too shy to write down all my ideas?

why I am too secretive for myself?

why I am too shy to speak up myself?

Why did I let myhands off from writing all of my thoughts?

Why I am too sensitive with myself?

Why did I let myself down ??

GILA.....

BT abis gue...kok perasaan gue ancur banget ya?????
apa gara gara si celengan?....gak mau ah.....rugi banget....cuma kok bt ya????

STUPID AND SELF CONFIDENCE

I dont know what happened lately to me? bored?no confidence? lazy?

I actually feel having a problem with him, seems its so hard to talk to him, too difficult to understand him..but I also avoid to discuss and start the arguments since I lost all emotions and desire..

the only way which calm me is listening to my fav one, COLDPLAY...

I like all lyrics which Chris Martin made...

I feel I am being stuck in one corner and let myself surrender to my enemy...

you know what? I am really affraid that someone can read my blog...FINISH my battles...

where else?can hide? I need a space...just for my own ...just for thinking of my life...just keep day dreaming ...just ...just...

I feel I am so stupid, no carreer, am the most stupid person in the world...I have to admit that I am jealous to see someone when they do something and make other ..said WOW....

I have a lot of friends who has, LV,GUCCI whatever that name...but I dont feel something special with them..you got money you can get them.

I want to be smarter with my computer, smarter with my english...

I want to tell all ..all things which happened to my in last one month, deket ma martin, gue tahu dia udah punya cewek, ceweknya pinter, good job,manis ..(jealous abis) but doesnt mean in a real jealous..I wish I could be like her...( wow...you dont think that I am so special, I have 2 kids, lovely, cantik)

and martin sendiri juga gak cakep, malah kayak celengan ayam..menurut mata normal gue sih...

dan gue sendiri juga sih gak tertarik ma dia...

Gue berpikir, apa sich yang gue cari ...yang membuat gue bingung sama diri sendiri...

I love my kids more than everything..really..I swear for it, kalo bicara willie, gue juga agak bingung, gue susah banget kalo ngobrol ma dia, banyakan gak nyambungnya...he is so easy to get the tempered, high voice, and sometimes, I need to repeat them for 2 or 3 times..but if its happened to me, forget it, he will get angry, and again ...I need to calm him and forget my ego, so back to the normal speech.

I just realized that we have a lot of different commons, I like him, I love him really! but sometimes I think I pushed my self over limit, where I cant stand it anymore..WHY????

I lost all sparks between him and me...he is just like my boss, I cant talk to him...but one thing I have to admit that he is a good father, my kids love him very much. And I will stay where I stay now..god bless him..

I am going back to CCF next week and start with new english course again...I am happy..

am listening to one of my fav song "what if", this is a very nice lyrics....

and now "CLOCK" remind me of botak, he is nice, handsome..I like him a lot, but its so impossible that I can reach him...

What I need is get my self confidence back...

BORED

Its been so long time didnt up date my blog...why? because I get bored...

I have some new friends, I will make a bit changement with myself, more mature..

I need a best friend...yes..thats what I need now..for sharing, for talking, for coffee, for ..for..

Hope I can get one from my new friends ...

La Vie En Rose
Des Yeux

Qui Font Baisser Les Miens

UnRire Qui Se Perd Sur Sa Bouche
Voila Le Portrait Sans Retouche
De L'homme Auguel J'appartiens
Quand Il Me Prend Dans Ses Bras,Il Me Parle Tout Bas
Je Vois La Vie En Rose,
Il Me Dit Des Mots D'amour
Das Mots De Tous Les Jours,
Et Ca Me Fait Quelques Choses
Il Est Entre Dans Mon Coeur, Une Part De Bonheur
Dont Je Connais La Cause,
C'est Lui PourMoi, Moi Pour Lui DansLa Vie
Il Me L'a Dit, L'a Jure Pour La Vie,
Et Des Que Je L'apercois
Alors Je Sens En Moi, Mon Coeur Qui Bat...
Des Nuits D'amour A Plus Finir
Un Grand Bonheur Qui Prend Sa Place
Les Ennuis,Des Chagrins S'effacent
Heureux, Heureux A En Mourir

THE BRIDGE

4 days to go...my birthday, and now I am strating my age with 3....wow..I am getting older yah!
I am tired and so lazy to cheer up my self to keep the bridge..I think the bridge is getting burned and burned..I dont want to burn the bridge..but I also cant save it from fire..
Why people always take it for granted? why they dont realize that we can change in 1 second?
I prefer to shut up my mouth than play with fireworks..which finished only left a dusty...
Bored maybe? no...frustated maybe? I think yes...
If looked up back behind, I realized now, that we have to think all things before we started it.
Really...sometimes we just realized when we were on the way.....
But no going back...if you see the small eyes of your kids..you must think twice..I know..it sacrifice for your self, but no choice, we were born as a friend for other people..can you call a companion..? yes ...definetly yes..
This month....WAKATOBI....cancelled
no diving...huekkkk huekkkk

Holiday

Just back from Singapore with mom and sis Mia..I was very happy to see my Mom happy..really!

We made some trips there, visited some places, was great...

here are some pictures