MILLSKAVIAR

Funny name, it is..

I dont know what does it mean...he is my chatting friend..dont laughing..I know a bit idiot, chatting friend..

yes I do it sometimes, but I only have a few people who being my chatting friends, one of them is him.

Its nice to talk to him, funny things, stupid things especially when you feel too dangerous to share your feeling with your real friends, you can lean on him.

You mean its not dangerous...?

I know its also not safety but I dont do weird thing on it so why should I worried then.

Alors,

I red one blog, she mentioned about friends on the net..

I am agree with it, I can spend half day only in front of my computer and sometimes the all day, I really enjoyed to work with my computer and doing a lot of things with it.

I knew my first boyfriend from the net also and my job in australia and etc....

No wonder if I dont sleep enough everyday,sleepy head and poor sleep...

Do I need my real friends? hmmm thats a bit dificult to answer because real friend is never appear, I never dare to call someone to be my bestfriend, when you expect something from them and you will get zero.

well that we are...human being, homosapiens, manusia...who never get satisfied

Anyway, I am ready for my holiday, I need it, think about Bali, is always happening, merrier, peace..and I can smell the sea now...Nusa Penida..I am coming...

THYME RIVER

Ingin rasanya segera berlari ke sungai thyme
Ingin kuraih jejaknya di Oxford
Ingin kucapai bayangnya di Hyde park
Ingin kulihat wajahnya di Paddington
Semua sudah kujalani dengan melewati jarak yang harus kubayar dengan 14 jam duduk di kursi kecil pesawat
Jika semua itu terjadi, ingin rasanya lari ke pelukannya
Menumpahkan semua kegundahan di hati ini
Menuangkan semua kerinduan
Kerinduan yang terpendam tak terucapkan

Indah rasanya di bawah langit London
Menanti bayang yang selalu hadir setiap mimpiku

dan sampai tadi malam...

Sayang dia bukan untukku..kulepas jejaknya tuk mengikuti hatinya


Tired that’s what I feel now..tired with all problems which happened at school…
I really want to get rid off it..PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

JUJUR

memang susah untuk jujur..terhadap orang lain..tetapi paling sulit adalah jujur sama diri sendiri..

No space, no control, scare, affraid, shame..all blended to be one..

CLOCKS

Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You've put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead (singing)
Come out of things unsaid, shoot an apple of my head (and a)
Trouble that can't be named, tigers waiting to be tamed (singing)


Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks (gonna)
Come back and take you home, I could not stop, that you now know (singing)
Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities (am I)
A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease (singing)

You are
Oh no nothing else compares
And nothing else compares
You are Home, home, where I wanted to go

Everytime I hear this song remind me of him
Am I wrong? I want to see him and throw all my feelings to him
why?


gue sangat merindukan dia yang jauh dari gue

Biasa Biasa saja

Udah hari selasa
di bulan Maret
di tanggal ke 13
Gue masih bengong
berpikir apa yang baik untuk gue
Tidak enak, memang jadi manusia bingung
bingung untuk buat apa
Di depan banyak pilihan
tapi takut salah
Apa memang diri gue yang terlalu pengecut


siang siang lagi pikir mau kerja apa....?banyak ide tapi rasanya buntu

CULINARY TRIP

We had dinner together with some friends in Emily..it was quite good, I like the food, very typical french.

This is my first time to go out with Syl and Caroline.they have a group already for culinary trip, that they want to try one new restaurant every month.

Actually I have to spend quite a lot of money for having dinner with my expat friends, because we have to share the bill wether you drink or not having wine. Its ok, I love food and I love for hanging around with my friends.Which is nice that I can talk to them and make some new friends.

I really appreciated food, when they serve us with a very nice perfomance and taste, I hate people who add some silly sauce into their food , sorry not mean that I dont like "saus sambel", but it is quite annoying when you see people add "sambel" to their pizza or spaghetti, and add some "Royco" into their cooking.

What are you doing? you spoiled the taste but I dont want to discuss it with them..I have known the answer..sok bule ahhh hehhehe

Thats why I am trying to feed my kids with healthy food, without sugar, salt and some silly broth..its only chemical and what for?

I am thinking that I actually love cooking, I really enjoy when I cook and see how people's react to eat my food..If Jamie Olivier need an assistant..I wouldnt mind to apply...hehehe!

So dont blame me if I cant lose my weight, I appreciated what I cooked and you have to get the award in your scale...

Minggu ini gue udah naik 1.8 kg..oh la la...

Jealous part II

Gue mau membahas soal jealous atau cemburu..

Waktu gue sedang bermain komputer seperti biasanya siang ini, gue berhasil mendapatkan beberapa informasi yang cukup buat hati agak mendidih..mungkin itu yang namanya "jealous"???
Eits jangan salah pikir dulu, gue gak mungkin jealous sama cowok...tapi untuk sesuatu orang buat yang kira kira membuat gue merasa diri gue jauh tertinggal di belakang.
Perasaan ini sering muncul kalo gue lagi kongkow kongkow sama temen temen diving gue, kok rasanya malu sekali kalo diri gue tidak mempunyai sesuatu yang bisa dibanggakan.Coba untuk selalu berpikir positive..dengan mengatakan pada diri sendiri yah tapi kan mereka bla..bla..sedangkan gue bla.bla....
Sebenarnya, semakin hari gue semakin menganalisa diri gue sendiri kalo gue itu ternyata agak sedikit "senang dipuja" dengan kata lain gue senang kalo gue bisa berbuat sesuatu yang bisa membanggakan diri gue sendiri..tapi gue tidak pernah bermaksud untuk menjadi sombong.
Dan yang paling parah, gue sangat amat cepat merasa down kalo ada teman yang sekonyong konyong meremehkan gue..
Kalo gue pikir pikir, gue itu orangnya sangat suka menolong orang, sampai sampai gue sendiri lupa kalo gue udah terlalu banyak memberi baik itu perhatian, waktu maupun materi..tapi pada saat gue membutuhkan bantuan, sepertinya dunia ini cuma selebar rumah gue, yang tidak ada jendela maupun pintu. Can I change myself? tentu tidak, itulah gue.
Gue merasa kalo diri gue udah mulai kurang produktif dan step back forward..perasaan ini yang sering banget mengganggu hati gue, yang membuat gue ingin semakin cepat hengkang dari " negeri tercinta"ku.
Gue buat apa yaa selama beberapa tahun ini??
1. Berhenti kerja
2. Les yang tertunda tunda
3. Udah gak semangat lagi cari teman baik
4. Fitnes yang on and off
5. Tidak ada semangat untuk kerja kantoran lagi
Untuk yang satu ini, gue musti memperjelas bahwa gue kurang nyaman dengan kondisi 8 to 5, karena anak anak gue di dalam proses belajar membaca dan menulis. Gue tahu ini bukanlah alasan yang tepat, tapi rasanya kok semakin susah untuk meninggalkan mereka dengan "nanny" saja di rumah.

Jakarta 07 maret 2007
Buah dari hati yang sedang bingung....